At least, that’s what they say. But for many of us, the holiday season can feel more like the season of stress, long lines, and countdowns. Whether we’re worried about meeting deadlines or in-laws, many of us muddle through the holidays and return to work wondering where the time went.

While some of the events to come over the next few weeks are inevitable, there’s a helpful technique you can use to help maximize your joy this holiday season — it’s called savoring.

Savoring is the scientific term for deliberately enhancing and prolonging your positive moods, experiences, and emotions.

You’ve probably done it before. Perhaps you closed your eyes to help you appreciate a moving symphony performance or stared in awe at your infant’s smile, trying to make sure you remembered every aspect of that moment. It’s important to note that savoring is not a mood or emotion itself, but rather a way of approaching positive emotions. For instance, you could savor feeling awe, interest, delight, love, pride, amusement, or contentment.

Why Savoring Is Linked to Happiness

Consciously savoring the good things in life is important because neuroscience research suggests that our brains have a negativity bias. Negative things tend to stand out in our minds, while positive things tend to be easily dismissed or forgotten. This makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint, given that remembering mistakes and bad experiences (like eating a poisonous fruit or being attacked by a wildcat) was important for survival.

But now, constantly ruminating over what went wrong probably does more harm than good. According to our former board member and positivity expert Barbara Fredrickson, people who see more positive than negative things in their lives tend to be more happy and successful, as well as more resilient leaders.

Considering this, it’s perhaps not surprising that savoring — or being good at taking in good things — is linked to increased happiness, more life satisfaction, and lower levels of depression, and it even enables leaders to support employee wellbeing.

In fact, some research suggests that savoring may be the secret behind why money doesn’t often buy happiness: As people become wealthier, they stop savoring the little things, so while their wealth increases, their savoring doesn’t, and neither does their happiness.

Savoring is also uniquely tied to stress. People who are struggling with rumination, stress, and burnout tend to have a harder time savoring things. But when stress is lifted, savoring seems to automatically kick in. Think of how good it feels to enjoy a quiet morning after meeting a big deadline, or to arrive back in a quiet hotel room after a long, rough day of travel.

Neuroscience research shows that sustained activation of a region of your brain called the ventral striatum is related to both savoring and lower levels of cortisol (a stress hormone), suggesting the possibility that one might help suppress the other.

How Leaders Can Find Joy & Maximize Holidays

Ready to try this positivity booster yourself? Science suggests that these 4 savoring strategies can help you savor joy over the holidays and the last days of the year, or really, in any season:

4 Savoring Strategies

1. Bask in happy moments.

Be present in the moment. Unlike a mindfulness practice, which emphasizes detached observation, savoring involves actively seeking out and soaking in the positive emotions using your 5 senses.

This comes more easily when you set your intentions ahead of time regarding where, when, and what you’re going to savor. For instance, if you plan to savor your family holiday dinner, you might notice special smells of your favorite foods, the sound of laughter with your relatives, enabling you to feel more grateful for your time together and less perturbed by a snide comment or a dry turkey.

• Try it out: Try selecting a few specific moments or events over the next few weeks that you plan to savor. Maybe it’s watching loved ones unwrap gifts, savoring a tasty meal, or being fully present when the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve. Whatever the occasion, remember to take in the enjoyable sensory, emotional, and relational aspects of the experience and hold on to them for as long as you can.

2. Wear your joy on your sleeve.

Put a smile on your face. Really! Another way to elevate your positive experiences is through your non-verbal behaviors and expressions. We typically think of our physical reactions as simply the result of our emotions (for example, we smile because we feel happy). However, science suggests the chain reaction goes both ways — smiling actually makes us feel happier, while hunching our shoulders and crossing our arms can make us feel more upset.

• Try it out: This holiday season, try intentionally laughing, smiling, hugging, exchanging high fives, jumping for joy, and doing the happy dance to amplify your happy moments.

3. Engage in positive mental time travel.

Let your mind wander. Even if you aren’t experiencing something positive in the present moment, you can still practice savoring. We all have the ability to “time travel” within our minds to a more positive moment — whether it’s sometime in the past or in our anticipated future. Studies show that vividly reminiscing over positive experiences in the past and eagerly anticipating future joyful occasions can boost your happiness levels, both in the moment and over time.

• Try it out: Think about a time when you felt so happy, you thought you would burst. Remember how you felt in that moment (Giddy? Grateful? Excited?). Replay the event in your mind as if you were reliving it. Remember what you were thinking, seeing, doing. Recall who else was there and why that moment was so special.

Alternatively, you could take a moment to think about what aspect of the upcoming week you’re most excited about. Really immerse yourself in the vision of the positive things that could happen.

4. Share your gratitude with others.

Connect meaningfully. While the first 3 savoring strategies can be done solo, this last one requires connecting with other people. Research suggests that sharing positive events with others is a great way to further amplify and savor the good things in your life. This strategy works best when you share with someone you’re close to and when that someone is likely to mirror back your positive emotions.

This creates an upward spiral of positivity. In fact, some research suggests involving others in your savoring can not only increase the positive impact of events, but also boost your mental and physical resilience.

This is consistent with our findings about the importance of gratitude in the workplace, too.

• Try it out: Do some savoring with others this holiday season by taking the time to connect with people who are important to you. Get hot chocolate with a valued colleague, or put aside work to spend quality time with a family member you don’t get to see often. Use the opportunity to share what’s going well in your world, reminisce over a memory or experience you both shared, or let them know how grateful you are to have them in your life.

A Final Word on Finding Joy With Savoring Strategies

Of course, all new habits take some practice, so don’t let yourself get frustrated if you forget to use these savoring strategies or if you don’t find joy and feel positive results right away. Just keep them in mind and try them again later. With time and practice, savoring can help you be a happier person and more effective leader, bringing more joy to the world — and to yourself.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

Let us help you be more intentional about cultivating positivity in your leadership through savoring strategies and other wellbeing tips. Stay updated on our latest insights by signing up for our newsletters.

The post How to Maximize Joy & Savor the Holidays appeared first on CCL.

It’s critical for companies to hire and develop more effective managers and leaders capable of moving their organization forward during both good and challenging times. That requires looking beyond traditional strategies for management development and cultivating the skills most important for success.

One of those skills, perhaps unexpectedly, is empathy — a vital leadership competency.

Empathetic leadership means having the ability to understand the needs of others, and being aware of their feelings and thoughts. Unfortunately, empathy in the workplace has long been a soft skill that’s overlooked as a performance indicator. Our research, however, has shown that today’s successful leaders must be more “person-focused” and able to work well with people from varying teams, departments, countries, cultures, and backgrounds.

To determine if empathy influences a manager’s job performance, our research team analyzed data from 6,731 mid- to upper-middle-level managers in 38 countries. The leaders in our study were rated by their peers, direct reports, and superiors on their level of empathy through a Benchmarks® 360-degree feedback assessment.

As noted in our white paper, we found that empathetic leadership is positively related to job performance, particularly among mid-level managers and above.

In other words, our research found that managers who practiced empathetic leadership toward direct reports were viewed as better performers by their bosses. The findings were consistent across the sample: those managers who were rated as empathetic by subordinates were also rated as high performing by their own boss.

The ability to be compassionate and connect with others is critical to our lives, both personally and professionally. Demonstrating empathy in the workplace — a key part of emotional intelligence and leadership effectiveness — also improves human interactions in general and can lead to more effective communication and positive outcomes, in both work and home settings.

Defining Empathy in the Workplace

Empathy is the ability to perceive and relate to the thoughts, emotions, or experiences of others. Those with high levels of empathy are skilled at understanding a situation from another person’s perspective and lead with compassion.

Empathetic leadership in the context of the workplace simply means that people leaders are able to establish true connections with one another that enhance relationships and performance.

It’s important to remember the difference between sympathy and empathy, as the 2 are often confused.

• Sympathy is typically defined by feelings of pity for another person, without really understanding what it’s like to be in their situation.
• Empathy, on the other hand, refers to the capacity or ability to imagine oneself in the situation of another, experiencing the emotions, ideas, or opinions of that person.

Both in and out of the workplace, empathy is often more productive and supportive than sympathy.

How to Show More Empathetic Leadership

4 Ways to Increase Your Empathy in the Workplace

Displaying empathetic leadership can take many shapes and forms. We recommend leaders take the following 4 steps to show greater empathy in the workplace and with their colleagues and direct reports.

1. Watch for signs of burnout in others.

Work burnout is a real problem today, and it comes at greater risk during times of intense stress and pressure. Many people are stressed, putting in more work hours than ever before and finding it difficult to separate work and home life.

Managers who are skilled at empathetic leadership are able to recognize signs of overwork in others before burnout becomes an issue that results in disengagement or turnover. This might mean taking a few extra minutes each week to check in with team members and gauge how they’re handling their current workload and helping them to recover from overwork.

2. Show sincere interest in the needs, hopes, and dreams of other people.

Part of leading with empathy involves working to understand the unique needs and goals of each team member and how to best match work assignments to contribute to both performance and employee satisfaction. Team members who see that their manager recognizes them in this way are more engaged and willing to go the extra mile. Showing kindness in the workplace can boost performance and culture.

3. Demonstrate a willingness to help an employee with personal problems.

Lines between work and personal life are becoming increasingly blurred. Empathetic leaders understand that their team members are dynamic individuals who are shouldering personal problems while having to maintain their professional responsibilities. They recognize that it’s part of their role to lead and support those team members when they need it most.

Keeping open lines of communication and encouraging transparency is a good way to foster psychological safety and help team members feel comfortable sharing.

4. Show compassion when other people disclose a personal loss.

Real connections and friendships at work matter, and empathetic leadership is a tool that managers can use to establish bonds with those they’re privileged to lead. We’ve all been through personal loss, so even if we can’t relate to the specific loss our team member experiences, we can act empathetically and let them know they’re supported. This is key for compassionate leadership.

How Organizations Can Encourage Empathetic Leadership

Some leaders naturally show more empathy at work than others and will have an advantage over their peers who have difficulty expressing empathy. Most leaders fall in the middle and are sometimes or somewhat empathetic.

Fortunately, it’s not a fixed trait. Empathetic leadership can be learned. If given enough time and support, leaders can develop and enhance their empathy skills through coaching, training, or developmental opportunities and initiatives.

Organizations and HR leaders can encourage a more empathetic workplace and help managers improve their empathy skills in a number of simple ways.

5 Ways to Encourage Empathy in the Workplace

1. Talk about empathy at work to signal its value.

Let leaders know that empathy matters. Many managers consider task-oriented skills such as monitoring and planning to be more important in controlling the performance of their team members. But research shows that understanding, caring, and developing others is just as important, if not more important, particularly in today’s workforce.

Your organization should put an emphasis on leadership soft skills needed at every leader level, and explain that giving time and attention to others fosters empathy, which in turn enhances team performance and improves perceived managerial effectiveness.

2. Teach listening skills.

To understand others and sense what they’re feeling, managers must be good listeners, skilled in active listening techniques, who let others know that they’re being heard and express understanding of concerns and problems.

When a manager is a good listener, people feel respected, and critical trust on the team can grow. To show the highest levels of empathy in the workplace, managers should focus on listening to hear the meaning behind what others are saying by paying attention to not only the words being said, but also the feelings and values being shown, through nonverbal cues such as tone, pace of speech, facial expressions, and gestures.

3. Encourage genuine perspective-taking.

Leaders should consistently put themselves in the other person’s place. For managers, this includes taking into account the personal lived experiences or perspectives of their employees. It also can be applied to solving problems, managing conflicts, or driving innovation. It’s very helpful for individuals to understand the role social identity plays as well.

4. Cultivate compassion.

Support managers who care about how others feel, and consider the effects that business decisions have on employees, customers, and communities. Go beyond the standard-issue values statement and allow time for compassionate reflection and response. Remember, your employees care about social responsibility; your organization should too.

5. Support global managers.

The ability of your middle managers to be empathetic leaders who can collaborate across boundaries is especially important for those working in global or cross-cultural organizations. Leading a multicultural team requires cultural intelligence and the ability to understand people who have very different perspectives and experiences.

A Closing Thought on Empathy in the Workplace

And as the data we shared above shows, when managers hone their empathetic leadership skills, they improve their effectiveness and increase their chances of success in the job. Empathetic leaders are assets to organizations, in part because they are able to effectively build and maintain relationships and retain talent — a critical part of leading organizations anywhere in the world.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

Model empathetic leadership and help your people develop greater empathy in the workplace with a customized learning journey for your leaders using our research-backed modules. Available leadership topics include Boundary Spanning Leadership, Communication, Emotional Intelligence Training for Leaders, Listening to Understand, Psychological Safety & Trust, and more.

The post The Importance of Empathy in the Workplace appeared first on CCL.

What do Brighton and Hove Albion, a Heinz ketchup bottle, and Satya Nadella, CEO of Microsoft, have in common?

They all exemplify a human-centered leadership approach at their core.

This enlightening webinar explores how the English Premier League team leverages data to connect with their fans, how Heinz solved the problem of getting the last drop of ketchup, and how Satya Nadella’s empathetic leadership is transforming Microsoft, and how these inspiring human-centered leadership examples can inform leadership in your organization.

In this session, we delve into the challenges of “threat rigidity” and the “change-resistance cycle,” and how these phenomena can impede rapid transformation. Leaders often face resistance when pushing for change, but it’s not just impatience — there’s a psychological cycle at play.

Discover how human-centered leadership can help break this cycle by:

• Building employees’ confidence;
• Increasing wellbeing; and
• Promoting resilience to stress.

What You’ll Learn

In this webinar, you’ll:

• Gain a deeper understanding of today’s leadership challenges
• Clarify what human-centered leadership truly means
• Learn practical strategies to develop this crucial capability within your organization

The post Human-Centered Leadership in Times of Transformation appeared first on CCL.

As news headlines proliferate about what today’s employees want from work and how much organizations can expect from their people, purpose is emerging as a critical success factor. Purpose in leadership supports improved individual and organizational outcomes.

Purpose-driven leadership means helping employees find personal meaning in their work and fostering a deeply committed workforce that thrives on shared goals and aspirations. Purpose-driven leaders model value-based decision-making, take time to learn what truly matters to their employees, connect work to a greater objective, and help employees understand their organization’s mission and find ways to personally connect to it.

But purpose, just like organizational culture change, doesn’t thrive without intentional effort. To create a sustainable purpose-driven culture, managers must embody and promote a sense of purpose in their leadership, daily operations, and decision-making.

Why Is Purpose in Leadership Important?

So, what are the benefits of purpose-driven leadership? First, purpose helps create a shared sense of direction, alignment, and commitment; builds belonging at work; fosters greater organizational performance; and increases persistence through challenges.

In fact, purpose is often one of the main drivers of employee engagement and satisfaction. Our research with emerging leaders around the globe suggests that purpose is one of the greatest predictors of whether young professionals pursue leadership positions and, for those in a leadership role, whether leaders feel empowered to make a difference.

In addition, purpose-driven leaders are more likely to develop and maintain strong relationships with their direct reports. Articulating a clear, inspiring vision that resonates with others is key.

Purpose-driven leadership creates space for alignment of goals and values between individual employees and the overall organization. When employees understand why they’re carrying out their work, they care more about what they accomplish. (Though critical for all employees, value alignment is especially key for younger generations in the workforce. Organizational mission and vision can be an important deciding factor in recruitment and retention — especially among younger Gen Z and Millennial workers.)

Finding purpose in day-to-day work also makes employees better equipped to navigate challenges and persist, even through difficult tasks.

Purpose Is Universal, but Not Uniform

6 Things That Drive a Sense of Purpose

While the desire for purpose is a fundamental human need, what employees value and derive purpose from is not. Research suggests that purpose can arise from a range of sources, such as:

1. Utility: Work is practically relevant to our goals and aspirations, either now or in the future.
2. Personal Development: Work facilitates opportunities for self-growth, developing either skillsets or mindsets in personally meaningful ways.
3. Impact: Work empowers us to make a tangible and positive difference in the world, contributing to the greater good of society, our communities, or those close to us.
4. Identity Reinforcement: Work reinforces our sense of self, aligning with the core elements of who we are.
5. Intrinsic Interest: Work is inherently fun and energizing, offering enjoyable experiences that naturally appeal to our interests.
6. External Rewards: Work leads to a desirable payoff, from a paycheck to a promotion.

As varied as the unique experiences that individuals bring to work are the ways they find meaning in it. Take, for instance, being asked to help start a new Employee Resource Group at an organization:

• One person may jump at the opportunity because it helps display leadership potential (utility) and is accompanied by an additional stipend (external).
• Another might agree because they see themselves as someone who advocates for wellbeing (identity) and wants to support work colleagues (prosocial).

Both employees may be taking the same purpose-driven leadership action, but they have different reasons for doing so. Without exploring their unique drivers, leaders simply cannot know why employees choose to engage at work.

Each Finding Their Own Meaning Is Critical

Why is it important to know what your employees value? Because telling them where to find meaning can backfire. In one study, researchers conducted a series of experiments teaching college students a new mental math technique. They found that telling students why the approach was valuable undermined how well they applied it and how interested they were in using it in the future. Importantly, this impacted the least confident students the most.

Consider a parallel at work. If a sales director tells his regional leads exactly why they should care about a new system for tracking leads, there’s a stronger chance that buy-in and performance will suffer if those reasons don’t personally matter to the employees. If employees have an opportunity to identify why the system is useful to them and make connections for themselves, by contrast, they’re likely to use the program more frequently and effectively.

As a leader, you want each person on your team to be able to determine for themselves why and how their work connects to purpose, rather than dictating to them why it’ll be valuable. When your employees have autonomy to find their own meaning, a culture of purpose is easier to cultivate.

To be clear, this doesn’t imply that leaders should avoid sharing their own reasons why work is meaningful. Modeling conversations about purpose can help employees find their own meanings. The critical piece is to allow individuals the freedom and permission to consider and discuss their own purpose, so their reasons feel relevant and personal to them.

Implementing Purpose-Driven Leadership at Your Organization

2 Keys for Cultivating Greater Purpose in Leadership

It’s one thing to say that purpose is important, and another to create a culture of purpose-driven leadership at your organization. While few people disagree that purpose in leadership is important, it’s not ubiquitous. If leading with purpose was easy or intuitive, everyone would be doing it.

So, how can managers embrace and embody purpose in leadership and their everyday work? Here are 2 essential keys to cultivating an environment where managers and employees can connect and find purpose in leadership and in their daily work.

1. Weave organizational mission, vision & values into your communications.

Remember that employees have to know the organization’s overarching purpose before they can make connections to it for themselves. Values may drive your organization’s decision-making at the most senior levels, but they’re easy for employees to overlook in the midst of projects, deadlines, and day-to-day activities. So, it’s important to speak often about your organization’s mission, vision, and values to give employees ample opportunities to connect and align their own values to their tasks and projects.

Make purpose more salient for them by effectively and intentionally communicating the vision, mission, and values of the organization — and by reinforcing these again and again over time.

TIP: Model finding connections between organizational values and your team’s (or your own) projects whenever possible. Some specific practices to try:

• Seek out opportunities to build purpose alignment into existing structures at work, such as during annual reviews or all-staff meetings. Invite your senior leadership team to provide examples of leading with purpose (both personal and organizational) in public settings, company-wide communications, quarterly retreats, and team meetings. Personal, specific, and meaningful stories are most effective at signaling a commitment to purpose and catalyzing greater buy-in and alignment. Make a point of bringing powerful real-life experiences to the forefront; sharing examples of helping others or bettering a community at large through corporate social responsibility efforts can be particularly helpful.
• Consider asking colleagues directly what parts of the organizational mission resonate most for each of them. You can open the door for deeper exploration by modeling; simply take 5 minutes to think about or list your personal values, current work activities, and note the specific, meaningful connections you see between them. Share as much of this as you like and use it as a discussion-starter to learn more about what matters most to others. When new employees onboard or move into bigger roles, intentionally engage them in team meetings or one-on-one conversations about how their work might fit into the bigger organizational picture.
• At the beginning and / or end of projects, build in time for team members to reflect on how the project contributes to the organization’s overall business objectives and mission. This can be part of the conversations for setting team norms up front, or used as an exercise during an after-action review or “lessons learned” session after the fact.

When weaving organizational purpose and mission into conversations, remember that employees need dedicated time to reflect on the connections for themselves. By building in intentional opportunities to find meaning, purpose-driven leaders signal to employees that finding purpose at work is a valued part of the organizational culture.

2. Understand what drives your team members.

The more you know your employees — and create opportunities for them to connect with one another and the larger organization — the easier it is to help reinforce their sense of purpose. Seek to understand the perspectives of your direct reports through a lens of showing compassion and respect, as each individual brings a different set of experiences and aspirations to work.

Compassionate leadership means being aware of the feelings, thoughts, and needs of others. Compassion enables leaders to understand and respond to the unique needs, perspectives, and emotions of their teams, fostering a more supportive and inclusive environment. Beyond the obvious feel-good value of showing compassion, managers who show empathy in the workplace toward those they are responsible for are viewed as better performers by their bosses. It’s a “win” for all involved.

Purpose-driven leaders also understand and leverage the power of identity. This involves both creating an environment where team members feel psychologically safe at work to share their personal experiences and understanding the way that employees view themselves with respect to work. For instance, our research suggests that simply identifying as a leader is associated with greater confidence and engagement in the workplace and can be cultivated by support from others.

TIP: Help employees recognize and embrace the many different reasons they might find meaning at work. Some specific practices to try:

• Share your own reasons that you find your work meaningful, providing examples of several different sources of purpose. Speak in the first person (using I, we, my, our, etc.), and encourage them to do the same. Include details and examples to help build more specific and meaningful connections and invite them to share their personal “why” with one another (and you).
• Make space for whatever they share about their perspectives and experiences, remembering that purpose is universal — but not uniform. Normalize that there is no “right” way to find meaning at work. As conversations unfold, actively listen for what matters most to your employees. You may want to keep notes for yourself on what you learn about each person’s purpose so you can refer back later, especially if you manage a large team.
• Use this information to help make work more personally relevant for each individual. Importantly, after gaining a better understanding of what drives each of your employees, keep that top-of-mind going forward when interacting with them, assigning tasks, and planning growth and development opportunities for them. That way, you’re motivating employees in a tailored and personalized way.

By working from an understanding of what is individually meaningful to each of your team members, showing compassion for their experiences and perspectives, and using this information to tailor your interactions, work assignments, and development plans for them going forward, you signal support for employee wellbeing and create an environment where colleagues feel valued, respected, engaged, and eager to contribute — ultimately driving your team and organization forward.

A Closing Word on Purpose in Leadership

Organizations that focus on purposeful leadership — with managers who help their direct reports find meaning in their work and connect their personal values to the organization’s — have a better chance of attracting, engaging, and retaining talent and enabling the enterprise to meet business objectives more effectively.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

Equip your people managers with the mindsets and skillsets required for purpose-driven leadership. Partner with us to create a customized learning journey for your leaders using our research-based modules. Available leadership topics include Authentic Leadership, Emotional Intelligence, Listening to Understand, Psychological Safety, Self-Awareness, Team Leadership, Wellbeing, and more.

The post Purpose in Leadership: Why & How appeared first on CCL.

How strong are your people skills? Do they come easily to you, or do you get dinged on interpersonal skills in performance reviews?

The good news is that everyone has the capacity to increase their interpersonal skills and savvy.

What’s interpersonal savvy? It’s building and maintaining solid working relationships with colleagues, superiors, and direct reports. It’s a key leadership competency, and problems with interpersonal relationships is one of the most common reasons leaders derail in their careers.

The key to interpersonal savvy is to learn behaviors that demonstrate valued people skills. This includes skills such as good listening, showing sincerity and empathy in the workplace, and being trustworthy. Honesty, supportiveness, a team orientation, and a willingness to share responsibility are also part of the interpersonal skills mix.

4 Key Guidelines for Improving Interpersonal Savvy

Practical Tips to Build Your Interpersonal Skills

As outlined in our guidebook, Interpersonal Savvy: Building and Maintaining Solid Working Relationships, here is a practical approach for improving how others view you and experience your interpersonal skills. Rather than digging deep into your emotions or personality, it focuses on the behaviors that make a difference. To improve your interpersonal skills and boost your interpersonal savvy, try these steps.

1. Set a goal to improve your interpersonal relationships.

Figure out what interpersonal skills — specifically — you’d like to improve or address. Maybe you’ve received feedback that you interrupt or override others in meetings, sending the message that you don’t listen. Or you’d like your direct reports to know they can trust you or that you are willing to share responsibility. If you’re not sure where to start, ask a trusted colleague to help you see the positive ways and the negative ways others perceive you, and ask yourself:

• How do I want others to perceive me?
• What qualities would I like others to see in me?
• Do I have a reputation to overcome in one or more areas?

2. Focus on behaviors that will help you meet your goal of improving your interpersonal savvy.

What can you do to change perceptions? For example, to promote trustworthiness, you should guard information that was given to you in confidence. You could also find sincere ways to talk positively about others — both to them and to others. Trust others — share your own experiences and feelings.

3. Identify red-flag scenarios.

What situations get you into interpersonal trouble? When are you most likely to undermine your best efforts? Often, red-flag scenarios are tied to feeling rushed or boxed in. For example, you might relate to others less well when you are in a hurry, feel the stakes are high, or that you’re personally vulnerable, and start issuing orders rather than actively listening to understand the ideas of others.

If you know what situations are most likely to have you behaving in ways that don’t help your interpersonal goals and may undermine the leadership image you’d like to convey, you stand a chance of stopping yourself before you react, and choosing differently.

4. Enlist help.

Find one or more sources of support for your efforts — people to help you clarify what you’re doing, encourage you, and point out when they see improvement in your interpersonal skills (and when they don’t).

Above all, working to improve your interpersonal savvy can help you become a more effective, emotionally intelligent leader who can bring out the best in others.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

Upskill your team’s interpersonal savvy with a customized learning journey for your leaders using our research-based modules. Available leadership topics include Authentic Leadership, Conflict Resolution, Emotional Intelligence, Feedback That Works, Listening to Understand, Psychological Safety & Trust, and more.

The post Boost Your Interpersonal Savvy appeared first on CCL.

• PODCAST

Lead With That: Navigating Tough Conversations

In this episode of Lead With That, Ren and Allison discuss how leaders can learn to navigate tough conversations with their teams. Amid fast-paced news cycles and constant notifications at our fingertips, handling our own thoughts and feelings about current events can feel difficult, let alone understanding those of the people around us. Yet, one of the most important responsibilities of leadership is creating a safe space for tough conversations.

Whether you’re managing conflict or providing feedback, it’s crucial for leaders to foster an environment where honest and open conversations can take place, despite how uncomfortable they may be. Ren and Allison explore what leaders can learn about the importance of handling tough conversations head-on, and lead with that.

Listen to the Podcast

In this episode, Ren and Allison explore the tensions that leaders must navigate when it comes to handling tough conversations with their teams. From providing feedback to managing conflict, effectively handling difficult conversations is one of the most important aspects of good leadership. Ren and Allison discuss what we can learn about approaching these moments from a leadership perspective, and lead with that.

Learn More

Interview Transcript

Intro:

And welcome back to CCL’s podcast, Lead With That, where we talk our current events in pop culture to look at where leadership is happening and what’s happening with leadership.

Today, we’re diving into one of the most challenging yet crucial responsibilities a manager and leader holds: creating space for tough conversations. Or rather, conversations that are hard to have.

Managing a team, leading people, isn’t just about setting goals and tracking progress or ensuring projects stay on track, it’s also about fostering an environment where honest and sometimes uncomfortable discussions can take place. Whether it’s addressing performance issues, giving and receiving feedback, or tackling sensitive topics, these conversations often shape the team’s culture, trust, and resilience, and shape the landscape of the organizations we work in.

In this episode, we’ll talk about why creating a safe space for these difficult dialogues is so important; how a manager and leader can build trust to encourage openness; some practical strategies, maybe, to lead with empathy, courage, some clarity. And if you’re a manager or a leader listening out there, or just someone looking to make your team communication better, this might just be for you. So let’s dive in and learn how to lead with some openness and strength.

Ren:

Welcome back, everyone. I’m Ren Washington, and as usual, I’m joined with Allison Barr. Allison, we were talking about this earlier, but what do you think? What is the manager’s role to be like, “Hey, things are happening, how you feeling, everybody? Tell me.” I was like, “Let’s maybe just start there.” Is it your boss’s job to do that for you?

Allison:

That is such a hard question to answer, and I will give the CCL answer, and then I won’t leave us there. But we say a lot in the classroom that it depends, and it really does. It really, really does.

I do think it’s a manager’s responsibility, regardless of what they perceive the elephant in the room to be, to … I’m questioning myself even as I speak, so humor me. I do think it can be a manager’s responsibility, if there is a certain tone of a group, to address that. So I’ll start there. And again, that even becomes a little gray as I say it. What do you think?

Ren:

Yeah, is it a manager’s responsibility? What I think is that these questions are being asked, and that may not mean anything, but I was just having this discussion with a client. And I’m actually trying to find the email because she said something really interesting in response to some of the ideas that I offered for her about how she might help manage some of the space. And we might talk about some of them today, but it was interesting.

One of the things that I said was recognize that events happen, and this particular event happened, and she said, “Yeah, recognizing the event, though, is the hard part.” And so I think I’d say, yeah, it depends. And I guess it comes down to what are the ground rules that we’ve set for our kind of communication, and then do we have any flexibility and space for it?

And so I’ll answer, again, where I started. These questions are being asked, people are experiencing it. I mean, when we talk about stuff like big, major events, especially sometimes when the big, major events … half the United States is happy and the other half is not happy, and maybe that’s not exactly what happened this time around, but I think people are still coming to work, having stayed up late, figuring out whether they were going to be happy or not.

And so, if it’s not my manager’s job, my manager better be prepared that I’m going to have a different experience of work. Regardless of how the outcome went for me, my day is going to look a certain way.

Allison:

Yeah. And you raise a couple of interesting things I want to dig into. And first I’ll say this, that I was also discussing with a client. This was … What’s today’s date? Today’s November 8th that we’re recording. And so this conversation that I’m going to reference with a client was months ago. It might’ve been late spring. And they said to me, “Conversations that used to happen outside of work are now coming to work.”

And so that is a major difference. So if we want to be looking at this as objectively as possible, there are conversations that might be perceived as deeply personal that are now coming into the workplace, whereas I suppose they didn’t always. And so what is a manager’s responsibility?

Ren:

Yeah, before you go on, real quick, it’s different from when? Was there a point when this wasn’t happening? I’m just curious.

Allison:

I mean, I think so. Probably. Think about the first salaried job you ever had. Mine … Or not, even. Or not. Think about the first job you had that was even hourly. It doesn’t matter, right? Where you were going to work. And I think about mine. I mean, I was quite young, and I just showed up and sold books like, “How was your day,” kind of thing.

Even if I fast-forward, I was quite young, so let’s get into more adulthood, where I’m trying not to name certain events because I don’t want to go there just yet. But there were not monumental events that were impacting people’s livelihood, I think, in the way that they are now. I think it’s just different. So to put a marker on it, it’s a little hard. But I think a lot of folks are being impacted by life events, global events that are occurring, in a different way. I sound like I’m 95, but in a different way than they used to.

Ren:

Well, this is weird, I don’t know why this popped up, like the Iran–Contra affair, or things that happened like that, or these hostage events where Jimmy Carter’s got to talk down these bad guys … I think that was impacting people when that was happening. And maybe things are impacting us more and more because of the internet, or social, or the computers we have in our hands all the time.

But I don’t know if we have to debate that. I wonder, when I hear it’s different now, and I often ponder, is it different? Or … And I wonder if this is a truth, and maybe around our tough conversations, or are we less skilled than ever in having these conversations in a way where we can work next to someone that we disagree with? Because we live next to people that we disagree with all the time. Sometimes the secret is we don’t talk about our disagreements.

Now, I know that doesn’t work for all of the unjust things that happen in our cultures, in our societies. It’s not a blanket statement for everything. But I think as we start to talk about tough conversations, maybe we build better muscles to engage each other, but —

Allison:

Sure. Yeah.

Ren:

Anyway, please continue the story, or wrap it up. It sounds like people are bringing this stuff into work more than they ever have.

Allison:

And to talk about something you just said, I don’t even think it’s limited to things we disagree upon. I think we can openly talk about the hurricane that recently hit and impacted parts of North Carolina that were unexpected. You and I don’t have to … That’s not up for debate, that’s actually happened.

So I think there are a lot more events that are happening, back-to-back-to-back. And I think you’re probably right. Maybe we are less skilled at having the … I think it’s complicated. We’re probably less skilled. Maybe we were never skilled at it. I have no idea. But I do think it’s not limited to what you said. It’s inclusive of that, but not limited to it.

And I also think another point you made, which is we’re inundated. I could log on to social media, or not even. I get alerts on my phone that I’m like, “Why did I … I didn’t sign up for that.” Right? It’s never good, and they’re never good. I don’t even know how to turn them off. So I think we’re just inundated now with harder things than perhaps we used to be.

Ren:

So it’s like the presence of the ever-present bad news, then that coupled with the nature of our humanity, this “I really want what I want and I want it now.” “I don’t want to be bothered.” We are creatures of convenience. I think that’s a living thing. We take paths of least resistance. Any living organism does that.

And I think it’s interesting that we start to ingrain these things and then maybe start to habitualize this. And then what we get inundated with also, then, tend to be like what is in our echo chamber. And maybe as we build skills to navigate that, that might be an interesting piece of ground to go through. But when I said echo chamber, you were ebbing and flowing or nodding your head back and forth.

Do you agree, disagree? Does that make you think something? What was going on for you there?

Allison:

I’m not sure yet. And I’m not trying to evade your question. I’m really not. I actually want to come back to something you said a few minutes ago.

Ren:

Sure.

Allison:

Which was around ground rules. So can you just say a little bit more about that?

Ren:

Yeah.

Allison:

And what they are, why it’s helpful, how a leader might do it.

Ren:

Yeah. I mean, I guess we started with this idea of, hey, is it a manager’s job to be like, “All right, we’re in a team meeting. It’s the day after a huge event in the United States. As an American, we even give you time to vote.” I said that word, everybody. Oh, no. And then we’re sitting in a room and things happen. Some of us are happy, some of us not, some of us don’t care. And the manager’s looking around and he’s like, “I don’t know, should I talk about this?”

And I guess that question there is, do we have ground rules as an organization that when things like this happen, do we pretend like it didn’t happen? Do we look at the office door and say, “Okay, I’m going to leave this part of my humanity at the front door, and then when I get in here it’s all going to be spreadsheets and numbers.”

So I guess some of the ground rules might be like, as an organization, have you ever had a conversation around when tough things happen? Like you said, too, what happens if half of your organization loses their home to the hurricane or something like that, some kind of horrific or terrible event happens. Do we pretend like it doesn’t for people? So whatever the event is, if something big happens, do we have the ground rule that’s set to say, “Hey, either we will give you space to talk about it, or we’ll talk about how we’ll talk about it, or we’ll take everything piece by piece.” So are there some kind of basic standard operating procedures about when something big in the world happens, are we the kind of organization that lets people talk about it? Or are we the kind of organization that says, “Nope, we don’t care. Talk off the clock.”

Does that make sense?

Allison:

Yeah, it makes sense. And I asked you to elaborate because that language, I think, might be new to some of our listeners. Of course, it’s not new to you and I, we probably do it in the classroom every single time. And I, as we’re talking, want to make sure and as we will, I know, but we’re giving some really practical tools. And I would say that is one of them, not to harp on it too long, but that is one of them: that you don’t need to set norms and ground rules after an event, but you can. You can do it anytime. You can do it anytime.

How do we want to behave as a team? And you can start there. And if you are the manager, you might have to get people going. You might have to start that list off so they even know what you mean. But one thing that we say at CCL a lot is … Well, 2 things I’ll mention. One is assume positive intent. And the other is take space, make space. So I think those are 2 practical things that you could add to your list to initiate. If you are going to have, if you do think you are the kind of leader and you are the kind of organization that will welcome these difficult conversations that Ren is talking about or that we are talking about, that’s a really great place to start to have effective conversations.

Ren:

Well, and I think something that you said there, a tool that people might want to learn more about, is one of my favorite learning agreements, I often call it when we’re working with groups or leaders is the take space, make space.

And so, in service of informing people of some of our lexicon, what would it look like for someone to take space and then make space in the confines of what we’re talking about today?

Allison:

Yeah.

Ren:

So what does it mean, first of all, and then how would one do it in these circumstances?

Allison:

Just clarifying, how would one follow that normal take space, make space?

Ren:

Yeah.

Allison:

Okay, got it.

Ren:

Yeah. What is it? And then how would one follow the norm?

Allison:

I think at a very basic level … well, first it means understanding yourself.

I can only give myself as a good example. I’m an extrovert and I verbally process, and on calls, I’m not shy to speak up. I will speak up. I prefer to process verbally with people. I also am aware of how much I contribute, and how much that might not leave space for somebody else to. So I’m aware of that. I’m aware of how that looks in certain circles. On certain teams it might look a little bit different, but it’s that awareness first.

So for me, I know, I just know myself. I will pause. I will pause before I’m the first one to jump in and chime in. And I think on the opposite side … actually, I’ll be curious, Ren, where do you land on that? Are you someone who would normally chime in?

Ren:

Yeah, I think, as maybe what you’re exemplifying there might be an example of you making some space for someone.

Allison:

Yes. Thank you for clarifying that, yes. That would be an example of making space. Yes.

Ren:

Me too. Even though I’d probably fashion myself less of an extrovert, I am not afraid to have my ideas be heard. And so I’m more the person who’s like, “Okay, maybe I don’t have to be the first person to have my ideas heard.” And so yeah, I think I align with you maybe more on I could, but I try to make space. 

Allison:

Yes. So I think to answer your question, Ren and I described how that might look. It’s knowing yourself first, knowing yourself, and being observant of the people around you as well. Maybe you might notice that Sam rarely chimes in, right? If you were a manager, sometimes you can ask, too, like, “Hey, Sam, did you have anything else to add?” And Sam might very well say no to that, but at least you gave the space for it. So that’s what it means, is identifying what your tendencies are, making space for people as needed. And if you’re someone who’s a little bit hesitant to chime in, maybe you take a step forward and have some courage, and you do take up some space.

Ren:

Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Exactly. And I think that’s a really good tool. If you’re ever in a forum, let’s say one of the ground rules, the standard procedures of your organization is that there will be lunch and learns or listening sessions where you’ll be able to sit in a room with your colleagues.

And that’s a great place to take space, to make space, is what can you do to create more space for people? And then if you’re ever … I always joke with leaders in the room. If I ask a question and you’re feeling those butterflies in your stomach like, “I don’t know, should I talk? I’ve got the answer, but I don’t want to.” I’m like, “Yes, that means yes. You. You. You there.”

Allison:

Yes.

Ren:

Say what you have to say. And so yeah, I think that could be a really useful tool in some of these areas as we engage in this conversation. Is there any other way to take space, make space if you’re not already in a listening session, or you’re not already in that forum where we’re sitting in a circle talking to one another, other ways we can apply it? I don’t know. I’m kind of thinking about that myself.

Allison:

Yeah. Well, I think for the sake of what you and I are talking about for these more difficult conversations, I mean, it’s one thing to be in a meeting where somebody is asking about, “Should we put anything else on this PowerPoint,” a little bit easier to navigate type of things.

When it comes to those more difficult or challenging conversations … again, I think it will always start with self-awareness. And you have to want to understand the other person. And you, as that person, you also have to want to be understood.

Ren:

Oh, that’s interesting.

Allison:

And so I think in these more “difficult conversations,” what that can mean, and this can be very challenging, and I will speak for myself that it is for me, too. But what that can mean is listening to understand, removing judgment and the filter of your own values. And that I feel like we could talk about for 6 hours. That is very challenging.

Do I want to understand you? Am I in this conversation in which we very strongly disagree? Do I want to understand you? Because if I don’t, then why am I in this conversation? That’s what I would ask myself, right? I actually would want to answer that. Why am I entering this conversation, then? Because if I’m trying to be right, that’s not going to be an effective conversation, likely. But if I am seeking to understand you and I want to be understood, then we got something to talk about. But it’s hard. It’s hard.

Ren:

Yeah. Yeah. I think a couple of things. One is the awareness of yourself, kudos, but then not being triggered by the values conflict is, like, nirvana. That’s the goal of all the mystics, is how do I not be offended by the things that offend me? And so I think it is interesting. Yeah. Does that make you feel —

Allison:

No, no, no. Finish. Please finish.

Ren:

Yeah. And maybe that’s where we’re starting to get here, because as you’re talking, I’m going, okay, really what we’re talking about is emotional intelligence, which is having an awareness of your own emotional response to things and regulating it, having an awareness of others’ emotional response to thing, and helping to regulate the environment. And that’s sort of what you’re doing as a leader in these spaces is, if your company, fine, has ground rules that say we never talk about things outside of the work, we only talk about the office here. I mean, good luck. I don’t know if that’s even possible.

But if you’re in an organization where we may discuss these things, either informally or provide formal spaces for it, I think leaning into that creation of that space to liberate ourselves a little bit from “your perspective doesn’t invalidate my perspective.” And that’s not a strong muscle. Maybe that’s what I meant where we started, which is we don’t have the skill built. We don’t have the muscle built up for someone to say something, and them not even tear down my idea, but because I identify with my idea and their idea is different from mine, therefore different from my identity, I kinda like bristle. And then when it comes to our political future or the existence of a lot of that, if we want to have cordial conversations, it becomes even more challenging.

Allison:

It’s so difficult, right? And so I think maybe for a lot of people where the work is, or where the self-investigation, if you will … because yes, it is regulation, but I also think there’s another step to this that maybe we’ll start to dig into here, is that for a lot of people, values guide how they determine right from wrong. And, to your point, if we can expand our perspective and hold other people’s values to also be true, then it’s not as easy to just sit there and blame one another for everything. But it’s just hard, right? It’s hard.

It’s not as easy to say, like, if you and I disagree on whatever it is we disagree upon, if I can hold your values to be true and mine at the same time, that’s like this magical formula where then we can move forward. But it’s really, really hard. And again, I’m not talking about should the font be this or this. I’m talking about some of these life events that happen that dramatically impact people’s values systems and how they live. So again, if I can hold yours to be true at the same time as mine, then what? It opens up partnership. Because those types of conversations need to be a partnership, and it’s easier said than done, for sure.

Ren:

Well, and you joke about the text. So Ryan Gosling did a skit and then a return skit on SNL. And it was about this guy who was mad that Avatar, the movie Avatar, James Cameron’s films, just used Papyrus. That’s the font he used.

Allison:

The font? I didn’t even know that.

Ren:

The font is just Papyrus, yeah. Well, I don’t know if it is. I have not fact-checked it, but Ryan Gosling, the character’s mad, because this billion dollar movie, and he’s like this digital designer. What did he do? He just clicked through and picked Papyrus. And the follow-on was he thought, okay, there was some creation, but all he did for Avatar 2 was bolded it. But it speaks to … You said you weren’t referring to text. And I think what that skit tells me is that, for that guy, the font mattered to him. It mattered him as deeply as anything else may matter to him.

And so I think when we start to talk about values, we get to do, my favorite thing is really start to talk about the identity signs of it all. Not only do I recognize your values are true, mine are true, but none of it’s really true. All of it’s kind of whatever. Now I know what an amorphous, esoteric concept. But if we can say, if can liken our beliefs to that of our preference in fonts, then maybe, yeah, we can engage in partnership because really, what are they?

Now, I guess some people’s beliefs, especially when they might begin to infringe on another person’s beliefs, then we become into this real, real conflict. But again, when I start to think about that, I think about how everyone I talk to has that experience. No matter where they fall on any spectrum, often we agree that we feel conflict when someone’s values encroach on our values.

Allison:

A hundred percent.

Ren:

Yeah. That’s the bridge maybe.

Allison:

Sorry, I got excited.

Ren:

No, please, no. Get in there. I’m saying that might be the bridge as a leader. That is a truth we all share.

Allison:

It is.

Ren:

Can we move forward from there? I don’t know. Is that a start point or is that just an end point? Is that a nothing? I don’t know. What do you think?

Allison:

It’s all of the above. I don’t know.

Ren:

Yeah, exactly. Very true.

Allison:

If we think about your example of this person has a value, it sounds like, for fonts. To me, I’m being mindful because it sounds silly when I say it out loud, and this was an SNL skit, it sounds like. But if this were real, if this were real for you, and this is such a good example too, of the norm around assuming positive intent.

If you, Ren, were getting a little charged about font, and we’re working on a project together, I’m going to assume that it’s meaningful for you. And again, this is a little bit of a … I almost said a smaller example, but maybe it’s not, I don’t know. I’m going to assume that it’s important to you. Versus being like, “What is wrong with that guy? Why in the world does he care so deeply about font? That’s so stupid.” Getting out of my own judgment, right? I’m going to assume positive intent. I don’t know. Maybe you had a really bad day. I have no idea.

But the more you and I can be in partnership together, the better. And I promise most people … Again, it’s easier said than done. I’m not claiming that this is easy. But the more you can do that, the work’s going to be a lot less painful, I promise.

Ren:

Well, it’s like decoupling our experience.

Allison:

Mm-hmm.

Ren:

In that instance, if you were real bent out of shape about Sans Serif, you’re like, “I cannot have any weird shapes on my letters.” And I’m like, “No, we’re doing” —

Allison:

Comic Sans.

Ren:

Yeah, we’re doing Times New Roman. And you’re like, “No, I can’t!” Then I would say, “All right, dude, you do you.” And that’s because your judgment on fonts is no judgment on my humanity. And I guess that it might be oversimplifying it, but I think that’s the essence of what we’re talking about, is that you as my colleague, we might like every single thing. We might share all of the exact same preferences, beliefs, work preferences, you’re my work friend. And then we differ on this one major, major event.

And we both voted in 2 different directions. And we sit here in this space, and I think we recognize this truth that you and I are likely having a lot more similar experiences than any other kind of differing experiences. And I think those are the spaces for us to remind each other about how we might engage, how we might have useful conversation, and how in these management spaces we might remind each other that your experience, whether you’re elated or sad, is not my experience.

And we can have differing experiences, because we have differing experiences about every other thing that we have on our list. Sometimes we’re just really aligned on our preferences. Sometimes we’re not. But our experiences are our own. So you like Comic Sans? I’m not going to get bent out of shape out of that.

Allison:

No, I do not.

Ren:

Yeah, you do.

Allison:

Got to clarify that one.

Ren:

I know you do. It’s going to be on your headstone.

Allison:

Okay.

Ren:

That’s morbid. It’s too dark.

Allison:

We’ll have a good laugh. It’ll be fun.

Ren:

Yeah.

Allison:

Well, I think all of this, again, coming back to the question that you asked right at the beginning, which is what is a leader’s responsibility?

Because again, we’ve all been in meetings where 10 people just cannot get on the same page, whether it’s about the font size or the font color, whatever. It could be that simplified, and you’ve seen people get really charged about that. So leaders do navigate those types of conversations a lot. And so then you up the ante, right? You up the ante.

Whereas one of my friends was telling me that her son, who’s a teenager, refuses to eat any food that’s by a certain brand — I won’t mention it — because that brand contributes to climate change, and it’s just the hill that he will die on. So how do you navigate the conversations when they become that type of topic, right? It is different. It’s different. And some people get a little bit more elevated around certain topics. And so do you make space for it? Do you cut it off? A different girlfriend of mine would say, “I would set it.” She has said, “I would set a norm that we are not going to talk about certain topics.”

But you’ll still feel a certain vibe from your team. So what are your thoughts about that, Ren, of as a leader saying we’re not talking about 1, 2, and 3.

Ren:

I think about first date etiquette or cocktail party etiquette. What’s the number one rule on a first date?

Allison:

I don’t know.

Ren:

About what you should talk about. I bet you do. What do you say in polite —

Allison:

Oh, you probably don’t talk about politics, I’m sure, right?

Ren:

Yeah. You don’t talk about politics, you don’t talk about religion, you don’t talk about the economy. You don’t talk about your personal romantic histories. Right?

Allison:

Dude, I think … I’m sorry to call you, dude, I just really —

Ren:

Please.

Allison:

… made us casual here, but you and I have not, I don’t think, been in the dating world for a long … I think that’s changed.

Ren:

Is it?

Allison:

I think that dating etiquette has changed.

Ren:

Well, maybe, but I mean —

Allison:

I’m pretty sure.

Ren:

I was talking to a colleague of ours the other day and we were just talking about … Maybe in the workspace it’s one of those things where … for the most part, at least generationally … gosh, maybe, I don’t know if it’s new. If you’re a Gen Z or younger, what’s the younger one? There’s 2 of them. Gen Alpha?

Allison:

Alpha.

Ren:

Yeah, if you’re Alpha or Z out there, @ Allison and tell her what you think, if you guys talk about politics, religion, economics, or your romantic histories. Because I feel like that’s kind of etiquette where you don’t cross those bridges because … I don’t know, I guess you’re trying to present a facade or not trying to scare someone off.

And so I wonder, is that etiquette appropriate for the workspace, and are they the same environment? This is what I mean, though. We’re so unskilled at having these conversations. There used to be a time in America where we would revel. This used to be just … you and I could debate about football and we could debate around our senatorial race, and then we could high-5 each other and we can go get lunch. And it is like there’s certain things where, I don’t know, culturally maybe we’re so … And I think it goes back to what we’re identified with, where we’re so identified with these meta concepts that talking about “it” is talking about “me.”

And so I guess if I knew, maybe this goes back to your “it depends” and answer your friend’s question. If I knew I was in an organization where people were so closely identified with certain ideals, then maybe, yeah, I might suggest it to the people in the organization, if it were small enough. Do you all think there should be a way we operate, when something like this comes up, because of how impassioned we are about our beliefs, we decide to just table that.

Now, I mean, that’s like bottling up a hydrogen bottle or something, where it’s tense, and it might blow up, but so I could see some value in … if you knew everyone enough and everyone agreed that yeah, we can’t have a safe conversation, so we shouldn’t talk about it. Maybe that’s what I would say.

Allison:

Yeah, and I would add to that too, if … Again, it’s so gray. I think if it were me leading a meeting after a major event, and let’s say … I’m making this up, but let’s say there were 5 people in that meeting, or 10 even, and I noticed that person A, person B, and person C looked a little down, I would check in with them privately after. And it’s not because I think I can solve anything, because I probably cannot, but it is to offer some emotional awareness of, “Hey, am I reading you correctly? You seemed a little down, or something was off. Is there anything you want to talk about?” And that’s it, right?

And again, I do think it is a leader’s responsibility to offer that space. Always. I mean, not always, no, because sometimes that could get out of hand. Because, back to your earlier point, me, I have a responsibility to regulate myself. I have a responsibility to that. But sometimes things are overwhelming, and sometimes life is overwhelming. So I think it’s okay to check in with people and be like, “Hey, Ren, you seem a little off. Everything good? Do you want to talk about anything?” And you might very well be like, “No, I’m fine.” But you offer the space.

Ren:

Yeah. I think it’s so hard when issues can be so divisive, but if I care about you, and if I can put that forward and use that as my beacon, then I could say … like I would check in with you on any other time. And so I love that idea. I’m in the meeting with you. I noticed your behavior, and I also love this too, from a leadership standpoint, you as a manager or leader or team member be a keen observer of behaviors. We all recognize patterns. If someone’s a little bit down and you can see it, and you’re like, okay, hey, what I mean by down is you weren’t talking as much as you usually do. You’re usually cracking more jokes or you’re smiling more. You’re usually the first one in, even though you’re trying to work on making space, but this time you didn’t say a single thing, you might say, “Hey, are you feeling okay?”

And that’s all you would need to do. And maybe, too, as you think about these tough conversations, people, is how are you feeling? And for someone to just talk about how you’re feeling. Can I hear how you’re feeling, regardless about what it is you’re feeling? If you’re feeling loss, does it matter what your loss is experience, if I deem your loss valuable? It’s like, “Oh, you lost a dear pet. Oh, was it a cat or a dog?” It was a canary. It was like, “Oh, well, birds suck.” No, I’m not going to say that to your face. So it’s like … Yeah, am I thinking it? No, birds are great.

But it’s like, my job is to care that you care. And if we both care that we care … I think you said something important around partnership earlier. It’s that recognition that we’re … I don’t know, though. Sometimes it can be tough, but hopefully you could like … we’re going to be okay, because it’s going to be okay. Right?

Allison:

Well, I think 2 things. It is coming back to what I mentioned earlier, which is removing your own judgment. Which, whether you think it in your head or not, is a different story. But that is one of the best vehicles towards having a difficult conversation with somebody, is I’m going to remove my own judgment and speak for myself.

I will speak for myself, versus saying what you just said degrades all of humanity. I’ll speak for me and say what you just said was hurtful because of whatever.

Ren:

Because I felt degraded.

Allison:

Yeah. If that is, in essence, what you felt, right? So you’re right. We’re not very good at it. And I think one of the reasons, I think, we’re not good at it is because we’re used to being reactive. Another reason is that things are coming at us fast, like you mentioned the echo chamber earlier. So when you said that, and I was sort of wavering a little bit with a response to that, because I don’t know if I’m in an echo chamber. I probably am on social media. I probably am. But the news alerts that I get that are prompted by, I think my iPhone. I think. Actually, I don’t even know. Somebody can tell me how to turn those off.

My iPhone is the one who’s pushing stories to me. And I don’t know. Do you know? I don’t know. Is it pushing the stories that it hears me talk about, which is creepy? I don’t know. So I’m not really sure. But my point is we’re inundated with a lot of information. Most of it’s negative, and it’s overwhelming. And when we’re overwhelmed, for most people, if you’re not regulated, puts your nervous system into a blender, basically, and makes you more reactive. That is psychologically what can happen for a lot of people. So if you’re not aware of how you’re feeling … Let me rephrase that. It’s a good idea to be aware of how you’re feeling before you enter into any sort of dialogue that could be charged.

Ren:

And there’s something about dispelling the charge, and that’s something, language that … guys, it just haunts me as I think about personal relationships and the growth that I need to get into. It’s like, how do I maintain perspective with someone? Well, I typically find that I’m uncharged by their activity, like them reacting about a font size. I don’t care. And that’s what we mean by charge. If I’m closely connected to something, and someone does something that really, really amps me up or bothers me, it lifts my charge. And that’s the secret to, I think, serenity, is trying to reduce your charge, but that’s some of the values stuff we were talking about earlier, really hard to do.

So I think practically, there’s something about the sequential nature of these conversations. How do you get into a room that is a place where you can safely off gas, where no one will judge you for your lesser demons?

To then, with the mind’s eye of preparation for a more regulated conversation … where you and I, Allison, let’s say we clearly disagree on something and we’re mad about it. Great. I would never tell anyone to not be mad or happy or not experience their emotions. Let’s experience our emotions. Let’s not talk in this moment. Let’s experience them. Let’s do whatever catharsis we need to, to get rid of the lizard brain energy, and let the prefrontal cortex articulate how we’re feeling. Which is I think the root of … We talk about SBI and the feedback model. It removes judgment. It’s supposed to be … It’s nonjudgemental, which is why it’s so impactful.

And so I think you expel your charge in a safe environment. Then prepare yourself to have a difficult conversation. Or you know you’re going to disagree, or someone may say something that you’re not going to agree with, but then you’re preparing yourself for it, and you remind yourself maybe of what’s the goal here? And I think you said it earlier, maybe some of the goal is to seek understanding? I don’t know. You’ve got to ask yourself, or each other in a tough conversation, what are we trying to accomplish here? That’s probably a good start point, too.

Allison:

Definitely. And I want to underline knowing why you’re entering the conversation is so important, because a lot of times if we don’t get the response that we want, it can be because we didn’t know what we were trying to get out of the conversation in the first place. So we didn’t aim the conversation in that direction, or we didn’t ask for it.

Sometimes people just want to be heard and understood, and literally that’s it. Some people want to understand your perspective, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes people want an apology, sometimes … Whatever it may be, know why you’re entering into the conversation in the first place. It doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t change your mind or change the direction, because there are 2 people involved. But again, if I’m not willing to understand you, Ren, in a conflict, if I’m not willing, then we’re not in a partnership. We’re not.

Ren:

Yeah. Well then, not to do a doorknob here, with our hand on the door as we’re ready to leave saying something big. It’s like, well, does partnership matter? Generally, in humanity, and then I guess in the workspace, right? Because your premise only works if I care about partnering with you.

Allison:

Not necessarily. If you and I have to work together —

Ren:

No?

Allison:

I see what you’re saying, and I agree with you. I’m just adding to it. If you and I have to work together on every single client team, all of them — this is hypothetical — then I’m doing myself a disservice to not try to understand you. Because I will be miserable. Not you. I will.

Ren:

Right. What a great reminder.

Allison:

Again, there’s a spectrum, though. It depends. You have to be able to identify what’s most important to you. I don’t want to be miserable at work. I don’t. There are going to be people I don’t get along with. That’s just the reality. And you too, and to all of our listeners.

But it is to what extent does it matter to you, and to what extent do you want to understand that other person? Because we actually do have to partner to get work done. We actually do. I’m not saying partner in a personal relationship necessarily, but some people do make good friends at work, regardless. I think, again, it’s gray.

Ren:

Yeah, yeah. Some of what you were talking about reminds me of … we’re often just in our own experiences, maybe a little less worried about someone else’s … We think people are really concerned about us, and people are concerned about, I think, themselves … in the best way. I mean, there’s a lot going on for everyone.

And I think trying to make space, or that collaboration to recognize that there’s a lot going on for all of us, might be one of those things that we can do to start to build up the muscle. And maybe like you said, not only know where the conversation is going, but determine what success would look like here. How long can we go before someone makes a strict statement, before we don’t do open-ended questions? And maybe some formatting or some kind of alignment around process could be really useful.

Allison:

Definitely. I think there are … I’m looking at the time, because I feel like we could keep going easily for a while, but maybe we can do a part 2 or something. But I think there are a couple really key steps that leaders can take away. Or just humans at work, regardless of your position. Even though at CCL we say that leadership is not necessarily a given position.

So if you are at work and you’re leading any sort of team, or you’re leading a meeting, you’re leading a project, it’s a really good idea, regardless of what’s going on in the world, it’s a really good idea to set norms on how you’re going to work together. That’s a really good idea.

I would say another key step is for you as an individual to identify when you are about to be dysregulated, and perhaps wait on having a conversation if you are feeling “dysregulated.” I’m going to name one more, and then I’ll see if you have anything to add, Ren.

Another thing that we talked about was what we would call, at CCL, listening to understand, which is a layer deeper than active listening. Listening to understand really means removing my own judgment in service of truly understanding your perspective, not listening to prove my own values or prove my own point. It truly is listening to understand you, and what you value, and what you’re feeling and experiencing. Anything else you might add for people to take away?

Ren:

I think I’ll just double click on that activity. So part of the listening understand we do is identifying not only the facts of the issue, but what are the values? What is someone feeling? And so maybe when you engage in something, especially something you know you disagree with, can you seek some understanding? Then actively work to identify what they’re feeling and their values that they might be having. And then, step 2, map those to your own feelings and values.

And I would bet, more often than not in most conflict situations, a lot of quick work could lead you to the fact that, wow, we are mirroring each other right now. Our values might be different, but our feelings are nearly at the same space, and it’s because of what, right? Then we get to identify what the “because of what” is, and start to remind ourselves of all the things that we have in common. At least, in the very least, we have in common the mechanism upon which we’re being wounded.

And so I think we can humanize each other once we realize that we’re value-based people, and a lot of us share almost a lot of the same values, if not in word, in sentiment.

Allison:

I like what you said there about humanizing one another, and maybe I can wrap us up after that, because I kind of want to keep going, but I won’t.

Ren:

Yeah, no, for sure.

Allison:

I like what you said about humanizing, because I think what can happen oftentimes is that we cut people off because we don’t want to have —

Ren:

Wait, what? I’m just kidding.

Allison:

I mean, from being in any sort of relationship, not even just in dialogue. It’s like, no, this is over. This is done. I’m not going to talk to you about this. So there’s a time and a place to do that, too. I know someone will argue me on that, but for the most part, we get uncomfortable instead, and then we exit the conversation and hightail it out of there, and that’s that.

And then we assign meaning or judgment to the other person. While Ren and I had this conversation, it was icky, I got out of it, and Ren now is … whatever I decide that he is. Ren is a jerk. Ren is this, Ren is that, when it was one conversation. And Ren, I like what you said about humanizing other people as well, and humanizing the conversation and remembering that we are 2 human beings versus something to unload all of our blame onto.

And so perhaps we can leave it at that for now and, I don’t know, maybe do a part 2. I can see you thinking.

Ren:

Yeah, I like that. No, that’s a good one. That’s good. Good mic drop. Let’s not find people to shovel our blame onto, and I think the word of the day might be partnership. Tough conversations are a little bit easier in partnership, so thanks for partnering, Allison.

Allison:

Indeed. Yes, thanks. Thanks, Ren. As always a great conversation. And if you are listening, please find us on LinkedIn. We’re also on Instagram. Let us know what thought of this conversation. Let us know what you think. Let us know what you want us to talk about next.

And to all of our listeners, you can find all of our CCL podcasts and show notes on CCL.org, and to our CCL team who works tirelessly behind the scenes to get our podcasts up and running, we thank you and appreciate you. And Ren, I’ll look forward to chatting next time.

Ren:

Absolutely. Thanks, Allison. Thank you, everybody. See you next time.

Find Allison on TikTok.

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The post Lead With That: Navigating Tough Conversations appeared first on CCL.

Why Is Gratitude in Leadership Important?

Gratitude can be defined as a positive emotion felt after receiving something valuable. And science has shown that people who are grateful feel happier. The benefits of gratitude include:

• An improved sense of wellbeing.
• Higher self-esteem.
• Less depression and anxiety.
• Better sleep.

And one study even found that differences in levels of gratitude are responsible for about 20% of individual differences in overall life satisfaction.

According to researchers, gratitude is powerful because it’s a complex social emotion. In other words, it’s an emotion that makes us think about others. We can’t be grateful that someone went out of their way to help us unless we stop and think about the situation from the other person’s perspective. It’s little wonder that gratitude has also been linked to oxytocin — the hormone associated with social bonding.

Showing Gratitude at Work Helps Individuals & Organizations Thrive

Research confirms that organizations need leaders who can show authentic empathy in the workplace, communicate effectively, and create psychological safety at work. Skipping gratitude displays low levels of trust and makes it difficult for leaders to create shared vision, motivate employees to collaborate together successfully, and keep talented, engaged employees.

But those who are adept at showing kindness in the workplace can improve organizational culture. Organizations can boost employee engagement, motivation, productivity, and retention — as well as their satisfaction and even their health and employee wellbeing — when leaders express more gratitude at work.

Showing gratitude in the workplace is particularly important during times of change, precisely because change can’t be done alone. Leaders must display sensitivity to their people’s needs, and emotional intelligence is closely linked to leadership effectiveness.

Because gratitude is a complex social emotion, it builds belonging at work and draws people together in pursuit of a greater vision. For instance, in the fundraising center study, self-reported data showed that callers didn’t make more calls because they felt more confident or more effective. Instead, they made more calls because of the gratitude in leadership shown by their supervisor, which gave them an increased sense of social worth — feeling valued by others.

The Gratitude Gap in the Workplace

Despite its compelling benefits, leaders expressing gratitude at work doesn’t always happen.

One study found that while about half of people regularly say thank you to their family members, only about 15% of people regularly say thank you at work. The same study found that 35% of people say that their managers have never thanked them. This muted expression of gratitude in the workplace compared to other contexts can be thought of as the “gratitude gap.”

Why is there such a gap in terms of gratitude in the workplace context? Wharton Business School professor Adam Grant has suggested it’s because people don’t like to admit they need help at work, and thanking someone means admitting that you couldn’t do it all on your own.

Yet a Glassdoor survey found that 80% of employees say they’d be willing to work harder for an appreciative boss. And at a study conducted at a fundraising center, calls were boosted by 50% after a director thanked employees for their work. Research has even found that employees who intentionally practiced gratitude took fewer sick days.

These statistics suggest that gratitude in leadership is important, and organizations who encourage expressions of gratitude in the workplace are likely to reap the benefits of a more engaged, productive, and healthy workforce.

How to Show More Gratitude at Work (and at Home)

3 Tips for Leaders to Try on Their Own

Ready to reap the many benefits of gratitude? Luckily, you don’t need any fancy tools or advanced degrees. Here are some simple things that leaders can do that have been scientifically proven to boost gratitude, at work and beyond.

1. Send a note expressing your gratitude.

Research shows that writing a letter thanking someone for the positive impact they’ve had in your life is a great way to boost your gratitude. Or, send an email or even a text, if you prefer. Just get a simple message out to someone to share that you’re grateful to have them in your life, let them know that you appreciate them, and that you’re thinking of them.

2. Keep a gratitude journal — or even just a list.

Gratitude journals are popular these days, and for good reason. Keeping a journal of people and things for which you’re grateful can increase your feelings of gratitude. If you’re not the journaling type, don’t worry; studies prove making a short list works, too. Some research suggests that a short list once a week might actually be more effective than doing it daily. Just jot down 3 things you’re grateful for on a Post-It note. Stick it somewhere you’ll see it often, and refresh it weekly. (Some people even collect their lists in a “gratitude jar.”)

3. Take time out for reflection.

Studies have also found that simply reflecting on the many things — large and small — for which you’re grateful can boost levels of gratitude at work and at home. These might include supportive colleagues, mentors, or other relationships and the types of support you have available; sacrifices or contributions that others have made for you; advantages or opportunities you’ve received; or even just gratitude for the opportunity to have your job, do the work you do, or people you value in general. Going on a short “gratitude walk” is a great way to take time out for this reflection.

Fostering Gratitude in the Workplace

3 Ways to Leaders Can Encourage More Gratitude at Work

1. Offer thank-you cards.

During his tenure at Campbell Soup, then-CEO Doug Conant wrote 30,000 handwritten thank-you notes to his employees. This practice, along with others, has been credited with how he created a culture of gratitude and turned around a struggling company. Do 30,000 letters seem daunting? Try writing just one a day. To encourage others to do the same, emulate Starbucks and offer unlimited company thank-you cards for employees to use.

2. Make space for gratitude.

Create a designated physical and/or virtual space for employees to share shout-outs, kudos, and words of thanks. This can be a literal wall or whiteboard in a common area, or given the reality of today’s hybrid workplaces and remote teams, it might be even better to leverage a shared online platform that everyone can access, like a company intranet or internal newsletter. Be creative!

Make space for gratitude in terms of time, too. You can model cultivating gratitude at work by beginning team meetings by sharing a short statement of appreciation (remember the difference this made in the fundraising center study!). Or, try inviting everyone to share one thing they’re grateful for — it makes a great icebreaker. Or, consider setting aside a specially allotted time in a regularly recurring department- or organization-wide meeting for acknowledgements. A public display of gratitude by leadership is a great way to introduce gratitude into the workplace culture and keep employees feeling appreciated and motivated.

3. When things go wrong, count your blessings.

It’s easy to feel grateful when things are going well. But gratitude can have an even bigger impact if you’re going through a rough patch. So, when you encounter challenges, see if you can find the silver lining. Consider: What did you learn from the experience? What opportunity for growth did it offer you? Even hardships offer lessons learned. Model for your team the habit of reflecting on what went wrong and extracting lessons from “heat experiences,” because being able to be truly grateful even during times of challenge and change is a great way to build resilience and stop spirals of rumination and stress.

Make Gratitude in Leadership a Priority

4 Ways to Get Great at Giving Thanks

Encouraging more gratitude at work (like any other initiative) is prone to fail if you just go through the motions. Here are 4 ways leaders show more compassion and help encourage and express more authentic gratitude in the workplace, modeling more impactful thanks-giving, year-round.

1. Be grateful for people, not performance.

Sometimes, gratitude workplace initiatives can feel like old recognition programs warmed over. To avoid this feeling, focus on social worth and think about how people have made a difference. Give thanks for people’s willingness, enthusiasm, commitment, or efforts — not just their impact on the bottom line.

2. Customize your thanks-giving.

Practicing gratitude in the workplace requires thinking about how specific people like to be thanked and tailoring your show of gratitude accordingly. A public thanks of a very shy person at the global quarterly meeting might come across to them more like a punishment than recognition.

And a quick “Thanks, great work!” said in passing at a team meeting might be too general, if intended to be your primary acknowledgement of an employee who went the extra mile for months to meet an important company-wide project deadline. Consider what would mean the most to the recipient and show thoughtfulness in your approach.

3. Be specific in your gratitude.

Saying “Thanks for being so awesome yesterday!” doesn’t have the same impact as “Thank you for getting to the meeting 5 minutes early to set up the screen-share; I know that our meetings wouldn’t go as smoothly if we didn’t have you working behind the scenes.” We recommend using our SBI feedback model to give the most effective feedback, starting by citing the specific situation or context.

4. Don’t fake it.

Authentic leadership and showing vulnerability are key parts of gratitude in leadership. If you can’t think of anything you’re truly grateful for, don’t try to fake it. Most people can tell when an expression of thanks isn’t heartfelt, and expressing an insincere gratitude at work is probably worse than showing none at all.

A Closing Word on Gratitude at Work

Research shows that whether you’re an absolute novice or a guru on gratitude at work, everyone can reap the positive benefits of giving and receiving more heartfelt thanks. Gratitude is among the many ways that leaders can take better care of themselves and others, leading to organizations that are more innovative, successful, and prepared for the future. So, get out there and start expressing and encouraging more gratitude in leadership!

Ready to Take the Next Step?

Start showing more gratitude in the workplace and beyond: Take our 7-day gratitude challenge to start implementing an intentional gratitude practice of more thanks-giving at work and at home.

The post How to Show More Gratitude at Work: Giving Thanks Makes You a Better Leader appeared first on CCL.

We help leaders effectively navigate these conversations, turning potential conflict into constructive collaboration. To provide insight to our approach, we’ve asked Marin Burton, a senior faculty member in our Societal Impact group, for her perspective on how to approach challenging conversations in your organization.

What Exactly Are Challenging Conversations?

Challenging conversations are a dialogue where the people involved hold differing views on an issue, often with deep-rooted passion and commitment. The emotional charge that goes with these conversations can make them tricky to navigate, but they’re an integral part of our growth and understanding.

These conversations can crop up anywhere — within our teams at work, in our interactions with community members, or even around the dinner table with family. Recently, we’ve observed an uptick in challenging conversations surrounding post-pandemic work arrangements.

For example, we’ve seen challenging conversations emerge post-pandemic as employees and organizations struggle to find common ground on workplace location and flexibility. You probably know someone who feels strongly about having a flexible schedule or remote work. At the same time, you likely know a supervisor who feels strongly about having their entire team in the office at the same time. At first glance, it appears that these 2 parties are on opposite sides of the issue.

When we take a step back, we can recognize that neither party is wrong. It’s both good to have a flexible work schedule and also valuable to have an entire team in the office when they are collaborating. Even though both people have valid points and perspectives, it can feel like an either / or choice; therefore, setting up a challenging conversation. Neither perspective is wrong; both flexibility and collaboration hold value. However, the seeming opposition can create a challenging conversation.

In our wider communities, we see many instances where people stand on polar opposite sides of issues, from tax policies to educational reforms. Our brains naturally seek patterns, and in doing so, we may inadvertently reinforce our own views, missing potential common ground.

The key is to disrupt this either / or narrative. While these challenging conversations may seem daunting, they provide us with an opportunity to explore, understand, and ultimately bridge the gap between differing perspectives. Remember, it’s not about winning an argument, but about fostering understanding and potentially finding a common path forward.

What Sparked the Idea for This New Approach to Challenging Conversations?

I’ve always had an interest in creating meaningful dialogue and the study of polarity thinking, but my journey toward this design was largely influenced by my experiences with our clients. A particularly impactful instance was my work with a superintendent of schools and her cabinet. We had collaborated for several years when the pandemic struck, triggering a wave of divisive accusations from parents and community members during school board meetings. The situation escalated to the point of media coverage, and the leaders were grappling with how to respond.

During our scheduled 2-day leadership development retreat amid these challenges, it became clear that we needed a different approach. We needed a shift in both mindset and skillset that could facilitate a higher quality of conversation, turning conflict into collaboration.

As I delved into the design of this new approach, I found a myriad of applications. As humans, we are social beings who once depended on our groups to keep us safe. Once, our very survival depended on them; today, this hardwiring can trigger an “us versus them” mentality when faced with an interpersonal conflict. This can push us away from seeking common ground to engaging with each other in a more defensive stance.

In response, our design aims to break this cycle. I’ve facilitated this design with various nonprofit groups, public health officials, and education leaders, and the feedback has been overwhelmingly positive. It offers a fresh perspective, a new way to navigate through challenging conversations, and ultimately, a path toward greater understanding.

What Makes Your Approach Unique?

At CCL, we’ve established frameworks for increasing understanding and providing feedback, forming the foundation of our design. However, to truly bridge the gap in challenging conversations, we needed to go beyond understanding and foster empathy for differing perspectives.

Challenging conversations often arise from differing values or worldviews, which can create tension. This is where our approach shines, incorporating one of my favorite tools — polarity thinking. This framework, offered to us from Polarity Partnerships, has profoundly changed my own worldview. It acknowledges the paradoxical nature of our complex world. It challenges us to hold 2 truths simultaneously, recognizing that the person across the table has a valid perspective, even if it differs from our own.

Our Leading Challenging Conversations approach invites people to understand and empathize with the polarity at the heart of the conversation. Through a process called polarity mapping, we learn to appreciate not only the merits of our own perspective but also the value of the opposing viewpoint.

This approach encourages us to see the humanity in others and respect their perspective, even when we fundamentally disagree. The conversation shifts from an either / or to a both / and scenario. We may disagree, but we both bring value to the conversation. The question then becomes, how can we learn from each other and leverage our differences rather than allowing them to divide us?

What’s Your Best Advice for Someone Currently Navigating Challenging Conversations?

This answer isn’t going to be popular — my advice is to slow down and be patient. Make an effort to truly, actively listen to the other person’s perspective with genuine curiosity. It’s this curiosity that paves the way for empathy. Go beyond understanding the facts and show genuine interest in how the person arrived at their viewpoint, the values that underpin their perspective, and what you can learn from them. This approach isn’t easy, especially when your own worldview is being challenged. But by taking a series of steps, you can pause, breathe, and respond differently.

When I mess up, it’s when I’m focused on my need to be understood rather than my skill of listening to understand. In a world that often labels people as right or wrong, with us or against us, it’s easy to feel misunderstood. This feeling can lead us to avoid certain conversations entirely. But when we need each other, avoiding conversation isn’t an option. We need to build skills to manage challenging situations.

In response to this need, I delved into extensive research on how to navigate difficult conversations. The common thread was the need to respect the other person as a human with values, needs, wishes, and hopes.

So, slow down. Be patient. Cultivate curiosity about someone else’s perspective. You’ll often find you have more in common than you initially thought. Once you find this common ground, there’s real hope for progress.

How Can Challenging Conversations Spark Hope?

Challenging conversations, while tough, hold a silver lining. They offer us the opportunity to embrace our human capacity to hold 2 truths simultaneously and validate multiple perspectives. This doesn’t mean we always have to agree, but we can strive to understand the roots of differing viewpoints.

In my travels across the country, working with diverse leaders and organizations, I’ve encountered individuals doing their best with the resources they have. Most people genuinely intend to make a positive impact on others, the world, or their organizational mission.

Engaging in challenging conversations can strengthen relationships. They don’t always turn out perfectly. But if done well, we can always learn something. Our world is growing more complex, and our brains often prefer familiar paths. It takes effort to retrain our deep-seated impulses to be right or defend ourselves.

Instead of retreating to our corners in a battle to be right, what if we embarked on a quest to be curious? This approach encourages us to operate from the best version of our humanity, enabling us to see the best in others and bring about the changes we desire in the world.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

Enabling your team to hold challenging conversations more effectively could help to strengthen your organization. If you, like us, believe in the power of leadership to drive social change, contact us to start a conversation about how we can partner together.

The post Ask the Expert: Challenging Conversations appeared first on CCL.